Protein-Style

a post for the macro-unconscious

I was grocery shopping this week and came across the vast selection of Pop Tarts in the cereal aisle. I haven’t had a Pop Tart since my college years so I’ve been blissfully unaware of the sheer variety that now exist—Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Frosted Chocolatey Chip Pancakes, Frosted Cookies and Creme. Now they have “Super Stuffed” Pop Tarts with extra filling. I mean, it worked for Oreos.

As an 80’s kid, the extra sugary sweet varieties for this breakfast-on-the-go staple seem fairly standard. They’re Pop Tarts. What I wasn’t prepared for was this newest variety—PROTEIN.

Wh—why? Are these . . . healthier?

I compared the box of regular Frosted Strawberry Pop Tarts to its Protein version and found that the Protein Pop Tarts contain the same amount of added sugar (30 grams) and 10 more calories (380) per serving than regular (370). That extra 10 calories must be due to this massive infusion of additional protein.

The box touts 10 grams of protein per serving. In comparison, one egg has 6 grams of protein. A serving size (2 pastries) of the regular Frosted Strawberry Pop Tart already has 4 grams of protein. It has almost an egg’s worth of protein in it already!

So they figured out how to inject each toaster pastry with an additional 3 grams of protein so they could start this new product line for the protein-conscious consumer?

Um.

I don’t consider myself a health nut by any means, but if I were to come to the conclusion that I needed more protein in my diet, I probably wouldn’t be going to the cereal aisle in the first place, and I certainly wouldn’t be in the market for Pop Tarts.

Surely macros-managing folks aren’t shoring up their protein deficiencies with toaster pastries.

A couple weeks ago, I took the kids to Shake Shack for dinner. My daughter is gluten-free so she always orders her burgers “protein-style.”

I never questioned it before. But why do they call it that?

Wrapping a burger in lettuce doesn’t add any protein to the meal. In fact, while lettuce does contain small traces of protein (0.5 grams), hamburger buns actually contain significantly more (4-6 grams).

So “protein-style” hamburgers actually contain LESS protein than normal ones!

This is the kind of linguistic manipulation George Orwell warned us about.

It’s not like there’s an inverse correlation between carbs and protein. They’re not opposite ends of the same spectrum. Like, protein isn’t what happens when you remove carbs.

If you’re going for a low-carb or gluten-free hamburger, replacing the bun with lettuce will absolutely accomplish that. Just leave protein out of it.

But if you really want your hamburger to have more protein, maybe you should replace the buns with Protein Pop Tarts.

Sleepers. Now with added protein!

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Have a great weekend friends. And make sure you’re getting your protein in!