Because They're All Dead
Making it weird for story time
It was story time at The Thinkery in Austin, Texas (formerly Austin Children’s Museum) during the summer of 2014. The twenty-something cartoon-voiced volunteer had just finished reading a riveting tale about a monkey who had lost his banana. Now it was time for singing.
A diverse collection of hipster parents adjusted their positions on the carpeted floor. One mom chased her toddler who had clearly reached his limit of sitting still. I could relate. Sofie played with the velcro strap on her new Keen water shoes, still damp from the splash pad earlier that morning.
I couldn’t tell if she understood the story, or if she just liked the volunteer’s sing-song voice or her ad libbed commentary as she turned the book to show the pictures to her diminutive audience.
“Does everyone know ‘Ten Little Monkeys?’” asked the blonde storyteller.
Sofie’s face brightened with recognition. She turned her beaming smile up to me as if to say: We know this one!
Indeed, we did know this one. I’d been singing “Ten Little Monkeys” to Sofie since before she could speak, which wasn’t that long since she was only two.
If you haven’t heard this tragic little ditty, allow me to enlighten you. It’s starts with ten little monkeys jumping on a bed. I know what you’re thinking. They must be really little to be jumping on the same bed. I know. Don’t worry. It gets more plausible as the song progresses.
One at a time, each monkey ends up falling off the bed and bumping its head. And each time this happens, “Mama” calls the doctor. I don’t know if this is a human mama or a monkey mama. One could make a case either way.
Whether you believe this type of injury warrants a call to the doctor is beside the point. Personally, I’d probably consult the Google first. But it’s okay for mamas to be overly cautious. These monkeys are little, after all.
So this doctor—not a vet by the way—doesn’t seem to be too concerned with diagnosing or dispensing any legitimate medical treatments for these head injuries. Doesn’t ask her to bring them in for CT scans or basic neurological fitness testing.
Instead, the doctor scolds Mama, telling her, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”
That’s like when a kid says something along the lines of: It hurts when I do this, and then you reply, well, stop doing that!
Even if you think this doctor is medically negligent, at least their advice is pragmatic.
Here’s the weird part. You’d think after the first monkey gets injured and she’s told to put an end to the jumping, that she might feel somewhat chagrined to have to call the doctor up again to ask what to do when the 9th little monkey falls off, and then the 8th . . . and so on.
But each time she calls, the doctor gives her the same instruction. Ten times they tell her: No more monkeys jumping on the bed!
Yet, she ignores the directive time and time again.
Sofie had been singing her lungs out, nine monkeys deep, fully confident in her mastery of this particular bop. We were down to the last little monkey and a wave of trepidation suddenly washed over me.
As a parent, one sometimes takes certain liberties in the spirit of creativity and originality. Maybe you make a smiley face on her waffle with blueberries and banana slices. Maybe you use a diaper as a space helmet. Maybe you change the lyrics of well-known children’s songs to reflect your own deeply troubled psyche.
After all the children and parents have sung the final line of the song: No more monkeys jumping on the bed!
My beautiful, bright, sunshine of a child belted out:
BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL DEAD!!
She then clapped enthusiastically for herself.
All I could do was shrug when horrified parents and confused children looked in our direction. I couldn’t blame this one on rock music or violent video games. This one was on me.
And to think, I’d been judging Mama’s parenting choices.
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Can anyone relate to this mortifying incident? What happened??
In your mind, is it a human mama or a monkey mama?
If this piece had a theme song it would have to be the Pixies’ “Monkey Gone to Heaven.” Amiright?
She’s just the best! But yes, both of my kids have done similar things.
Loved this story. :)